happy new years! :)
or shall i say..
akemashite omedetou gozaimasu!
could not have timed it better. happy 200th post, ole' blogger thing, you!
hope you all didn't party too hard into the new year. my transition was very undramatic D: bryant told me to stay awake til midnight so he could kiss me.. but.. i fell asleep (he finally told me it was OK for me to nap 'cause i started getting moody--haha good reason) and i woke up at 12:47am.. and NO SIGN OF THE BOYFRIEND! searched around and found him snoring in the game room. blegh! shook him awake.. finally got him up.. he hugged and kissed me, told me happy new years. and then he went back to sleep.
hmmm...
oh! shot a bridal today. well. bride+groom (is that what a bridal is? i never really knew). nice chinese couple :) and the bride's parents were there too. main photog was a guy named ming, friend of bryant's.. then bryant was shooting mostly video and some stills.. and i was just.. shooting. shot quite a bit. she had a really nice smile but she was mostly toting around this fake one or a half one and eh. but you know. s'all good.
so.. morning started off VERY TIREDLY. bryant very sweetly went to go pick us up some donuts (if you go to texas.. go to SHIPLEY'S! bryant swears by these donuts.) and apparently bryant asked me if i wanted to go with him to get donuts and i just made this "mrggghh" muffled sound and he got the point and went to go get them without me LOL. what a sweetie :) then we ate, had some chocolate milk, got ready..
ming piked us up around.. uh.. 7:30 i want to say. might've been later. who knows. it was just TOO DAMN EARLY! went to starbucks.. drove 45min out to THE redlands (i capitalize THE because there's "redland".. "redlands".. and "the redlands" in texas. i know, wtf?).. met the couple+parents.. shot.. drove to a second location.. shot.. drove to a third location.. shot.. parted ways..
then we decided to go get food :D so.. we went to.. i dunno what the area's called. but ended up eating at CAFE EXPRESS.. and dang. my food was gooooooooood. chicken.. rosc.. i dunno. but it was good :) and their sweet tea was good. portions were smaller than what i expected but i wasn't too hungry so it worked out. THEN.. i decided it was a good time to send in my rent check.. so.. post office, stamp, no envelopes, huge line. CVS, 60 pack of envelopes, bleh!. back to the post office to drop it off.
then we went to a camera store.. "houston camera exhange"? it's like.. a ghetto samy's. LOL. anyway.. i decided i wanted to get a lens.. so i bought the nikkor 50mm 1.8 and.. it is sweeeeet. i love depth of field :) and it was only $130! of course i wanted to get the 50 1.4 but that was another $300 that i did not have... but i'm still satisfied :)
then the short story of whatever got mixed up in the emotional rant:
- got home around 5pm
- went to DIRECTRON (transformer, much?); computer warehouse
- ate at NINFA'S (original fajita birthplace)
- fell asleep, etc as already stated.
WARNING: EMOTIONAL RANTING INVOLVED
finally got back around.. 5pm? LOL. crazy day. i slept through the traffic apparently. then right after, bryant wanted to go to "directron".. a real life TRANSFORMER! hahhaaa.. just kidding. it's a computer warehouse basically. bleh bleh, blah blah. uninteresting. got back, were waiting around then got news that bill+dan+kristin were at ninfa's (good mex restaurant, original fajitas were born there!) and since we weren't going to get another chance, decided to go.. even though there was a whole turkey that had just been cooked. got there.. got food.. ate.. decided that the dad was either buzzed or drunk because he was talking a lot/being embarrassing. i was SORT of ok.. sort of disturbed because it reminded me of stuff at home. then TO TOP OFF THE CAKE, four girls walked over to bryant. guess who? two ex girlfriends and two friends.. all from high school. um. yes. i was VERY UNCOMFORTABLE so to say. one ex-gf i'm ok with because.. long story short, she's the other ex-gf's little sister and bryant never really did anything with her.. and it was mostly weird. but. yes. the other one, i'm miffed at because she cheated on bryant, etc.. and.. yes. i'm not the LEAST jealous person on the planet, let's just say that. they waltzed over, gave him hugs, asked when how long he was going to be in town as in a "we want to hang out with you, hinty hinty!". he intro'd me, i half-smiled and turned around again.
felt a huge wave of just.. EMOTIONS. and on top of the exgf hat i was definitely never going to be ok with, i was revisiting feelings that i'd had before and that i hated feeling. i was just so MAD and SAD and JEALOUS and all these other things fluffed up together and i was definitely NOT ok.
they left--finally--and the table turned into talk of who the girls were, etc. and i kept interjecting on what bryant was saying and i KNEW it was rude and probably annoying AND probably very bitchy sounding--thankfully kristin was ignoring me--but i was just so hyped up with emotions and bleh! then the dad was being nice, saved bryant's butt (i know, it's not his fault they came over BUT STILL!! ugh) by saying cheesy things about how they weren't meant to be with bryant and that destiny called him to socal and that even though his parents were against it, he went anyways and he met me, etc.. it was pretty funny but i still had that clusterfuck of emotions in the pit of my stomach. then the dad started acting silly/childish and i got really uncomfortable and we finally left.. i was almost in tears for some reason on the drove home. bleh. i guess i got severely homesick right at that moment.. or something. i just felt majorly out of place and alone and i still don't really know why.
walked in to the house, told gina that her husband was.. tipsy.. and she just had this look on her face and told me "i know. i could tell over the phone when he called, that's the reason why i didn't go". and the look! that i knew so well and that expressed the feelings that i'm sure my mom has felt and that i definitely feel sometimes when my dad has had too much to drink. it's just like.. a long sigh. like you love them so much and you wish they weren't like that, wish they didn't drink, wish they weren't so childish. know they're just having fun and enjoying themselves but it's just so hard. so easy to get mad at them. and it's just a bunch of conflicting emotions that just go to the pit of your stomach and make you sigh and give you worry lines and make you feel so old.... i don't know how to describe it. i don't know if that did that emotion justice at all, not that it needs justice-ing to begin with.
and it just made that emotional clusterfuck grow and i got more upset. the rest of the dinner troop walked in, bill put his arm around me and he knew that i was uncomfortable from how he acted at dinner and i felt a little better, at least he owned up to it. then everyone left to go get ready (were going to go watch some counter singer who was in HS with dan--apparently broke his elbow? arm?, had to get surgery, then told them that he was going to become a country singing star.. or something) then bryant took me upstairs--he could tell i was upset--and asked me what was wrong and i kept telling him i was just tired and he told he it was ok to take a nap. i cleaned the room instead to try to get my mind off stuff, then the room was clean and i was just so tired from thinking, feeling sad, etc. bryant wanted to play Wii Fit (he knows i like it and that it seems to cheer me up) so we went and i watched him.. he took my requests as to what exercises to do so i made him do hula hooping :) and he exaggerated the movements to make me smile. then i fell asleep on the couch for a bit.. went into the bedroom and fell asleep there. then, yes. the rest of my new year's started as i already wrote.
and i guess as a whole, i'm just tired and somewhat disappointed. but the disappointment is just me taking things for granted. i could NOT be in the relationship, bryant could NOT be with me, i could NOT be in texas, i could be single and alone and.. lonely. but i'm not. i'm here in texas with my adoring boyfriend, knocked out on the bed and his very nice parents downstairs, both who i like and who like me..
and.. i just need to get this emotional clusterfuck unfucked and just sleep.
/END RANT
g'nite all. i'm sure i'll feel better tomorrow when i wake up from a good night's rest.. just needed to get it out. so no pity comments, ya hear?? :P