for gdawg

gdawg, my buddy ole' pal :) one of my FOBulousfive (LOVE!) has requested that i stray away from so many makeup blogs and delve into more thoughtful ones. or at least include a little of both, instead of my mindless beauty posts (not like i post life changing reviews or anything!).

SO! here's a topic that we were actually just talking about--but we went into more specifics (where she gave me some awesome blog ideas about):

PUBLIC vs PRIVATE blogging

background info: 

this blog originally started off as a PRIVATE blog. to back it up, my girlies (fab5!) all split up to different colleges (besides 2 that headed off to UCI) and were having a hard time keeping up with each other--which was hard on all of us mostly because we were used to seeing each other EVERY DAY at the same time, same place.. we could hand off notes, we could pull each other off to the side and chat, we could chat during classes, etc. you get the point. then suddenly, whabam! santa barbara, riverside, san diego and irvine. plus all of us being extremely busy either making new friends, studying for classes, getting adjusted to college life... we had long gaps between conversations and it was just plain miserable not to be able to talk to your best friends everyday. SO we started a "newsletter".. we'd type up a page or so on a given topic and sent it to one friend once a month who would gather it all together on one word page and send it out to all of us to read. it was AMAZING! but then we realized we had lots more to talk about than just once a month.. so we turned to blogging. 

ah, the wonderful world of blogging. we could type whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted and never left each other out of our lives again because--face it, how could we? unless we forgot to update our blogs (COUGH!!) but the more fastidious (at blogging!) would blog fairly often. 

unfortunately for me.. (or maybe fortunately?) i felt like i was talking about the SAME THINGS all the time! same school, and i couldn't go into technical detail about my assignments because--face it--it would just seem like i was typing up a lecture if i went and explained it all, all the time. i had the same boyfriend (LOVE), so i had no boy problems. i had roomies, but i rarely talked to them.. plus i didn't like posting "drama" posts, "gossip" posts, whatever you call it. then i just started posting randomly.. very short ones, about nothing at all. i was BORED of blogging!

my turning point was when 

1. my friend (mitsu!) asked me how i was doing.. because i never updated my xanga ever.. because i was updating my private blog! and didn't feel like posting over to xanga. 

2. my other friend (katie!) told me she had a blogger! then she told me to make one so i could write about whatever i wanted to.. and.. 

then it got me to thinking. should i create a public blogger? sure, because then i would be blogging about something privately.. then copying it over to public.. it wouldn't be that hard. but.. no! i had to censor myself, because i can't talk about THIS to THAT person, and WHAT IF that person read this and then it would be bad! my LIBRA inner sense told me i needed BALANCE (ha ha, i love astrology reports!) so i decided against it. 

my other option was to take my private posts.. censor them.. THEN post. but that's just too much work, especially for a lazy ass like me :P 

my LAST option was just to make this public. but i had to ask my girlies because.. you know, i started blogging because of them, and FOR them. and i had to consider what i published in earlier posts---then totally disregarded that because no one cares to read long boring posts :) they just like looking at pretty pictures (which may be why i've been getting lots more comments from the lovely beauty bloggers.. since i've been posting basically nothing else except my MU--makeup! haha, gdawg). 

cutting out their personal feelings/comments for privacy :) i went public! hurrah~ now a LARGE group of friends (beyond fab5) could see what i was up to, etc. it was pretty good, just like old xanga days--without the drama! with college came freedom.. freedom to not have to see those annoying bitches and bastards that you just smiled at just to not hear another rumor about you float around the school in .000005 seconds. 

PUBLIC/PRIVATE: PROS (+) & CONS (-)

- watching what i posted. i couldn't post about SUPER private things, you know because.. the world would see. and some things you just don't want the world to see. 

+ getting to know all of the lovely beautybloggers :) it was nice being able to comment on other people's blogs that i was following (via google reader).. and having them come to my blog and post a comment or two about what they thought (even though it's more on my beauty blogs than my thought-invoking ones).

+ i'm actually sort of advertising my photography here! this totally was NOT on purpose, by the way. it was just a random post that i did, because i was bored.. and it's the one post that's gotten me the most comments! the internet is a WIDE audience.. and had i not gone public and done all of the things in bullet2, they wouldn't have seen my photography. 

- you're just more text in the mass of bloggers. you could post about things you want people to care about and they just don't.. because your voice doesn't reach that far! the reason why i cut back on my "meaningful" posts was 1. because i couldn't think of what to post about 2. because posting pictures of FOTD's (face of the day)/etc gave me more visitors/comments/etc. 

+/- in that idea.. you could post about anything.. and people just don't read it if they don't want to. it's not going to cause e-drama! but if you KEEP posting about things that people don't care about or isn't an "easy read".. then they could forget you.. then there would be little to no purpose to having a public blog, because the public would not be reading it. 

+/- if you're a person who needs another's acknowledgement.. this transition could be hard. back to my point about people not caring and being text amidst thousands of blogs.. then you're more likely to post mindless blogs (i'm not saying ALL beauty blogs are mindless--reviews are very interesting! but short ones like mine that are ONLY FOTD+supply list).. the "QUICK READ", the "ATTENTION GRABBER".. and you're LESS likely to post about what you WANT to post (if you wanted to post thought-invoking blogs). it's all about READABILITY. you want to be MEANINGFUL, yet get all of your words in there without being a mouthful. 

- CENSORING. see, i did it in that last paragraph. you want to blog controversially so it's more thought provoking.. yet you don't want to offend anyone. it's a very thin line to balance on. that's why it's much more easy to blog about beauty (it's very neutral!) and just be very, very nice (because everyone else i've encountered here has been really nice). 

+ it helps your writing! (thanks gdawg for this one--i wouldn't have thought of it on my own!). it's good to be able to get your opinion in without bashing people over the head about it. it helps you write objectively.. it's a daily practice of objective, persuasive writing. 

CONCLUSION

so, is this where you ask me, "which one is better?". well, i won't give you the answer for that. it's both a great experience and a total downer. i remember wanting to start off as a beauty blogger.. and getting no responses from people! then i realized--respond to what other people write, then they feel (somewhat) obliged to at least see what you have to say. they may or may not respond, but with enough attention to their work, they will give some back to you. 

there are definitely bloggers i admire. i mean, how can you get 50+ comments a day (or even 15-20!! or anything above my usual 2-3, really).. regardless of what you post? how cool is that? you must be an awesome person and know how to post awesomely and interestingly. and me, the introverted, usually quiet person.. is ALWAYS searching for tips and clues on how to be MORE interesting, MORE extroverted, MORE of a people person. and these people you (well, i) admire respond to you (me) and you (i) feel awesome! 

EXAMPLES

"YES! so-and-so really likes this! *saves comment notification e-mail*" 

"YAYYY! *goes and spams their blogs in hopes of more attention*"

then.. there are bloggers you admire but who never seem to respond to you! ah, well. i can still admire from a distance :) 

*to clarify.. what i mean by admire is that i look forward to their blogs everyday! or.. whenever they choose to post. i sign onto google reader and think: "YES! so-and-so posted!" so i save their post for last, just so i can savor it in my mind. and YES, i do realize that sounds terrifically weird but.. too bad! 

and i suppose i can publicly blog because.. my blogs will not cause drama! (at least that i can reasonably foresee). my life is fairly private. i have the same boyfriend, live with a close friend, my school is fairly private in the fact that people keep to themselves. the people that read this either don't care about me (much), at least not enough to start drama.. or just understand me completely and don't feel the need to start drama because.. there's no reason for it. 

had i been part of a huge organization (for example.. VSA or EMRAP or a sorority), my blog would most certainly have stayed private.. because.. when you're in a larger group of people, there tends to be more people who snoop. i mean, it's just.. logical statistics. 

i guess the MAIN reason in my head that i keep blogging is that.. I HOPE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEONE'S LIFE! whether it's for a second, whether i made them think about something, whether i made them look twice, etc. i want my life to have meaning--and for that to happen, i want to make a difference. maybe the difference is totally minute--they forget about it as soon as they close my page. maybe it's bigger! like with fuz [x asking me to be her wedding photographer. it's a HUGE compliment! regardless if she remembers my name by the time her wedding rolls around.. i still stuck in their head. for a second. split second. nanosecond. 

though of course i hope to make a larger impression :) but i'm taking small steps!

plus i just have way too many thoughts running around in my head.. if they all stayed in my head, i'm sure my head would explode! :) 

what do you guys think? 

i guess the better question would be: did any of you read this through? :P