093. postage

got a letter from cuzz the other day.. she had 43 cents on it. i thought the mail rate was 42. my mom had just recently given me 42 cent stamps. i thought long and hard.. had bryant look it up.. and right before he told me, i had an epiphany. she only had a 39 cent stamp, and had 2 cent stamps.. so she put 43. haha. D'OH moment for me. 

favorite dave matthew's band song: grace is gone

Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight,
It's 2 am, I'm drunk again,
It's heavy on my mind, it's heavy on my mind.

I could never love again,
So much as I love you.
Where you end, where I begin,
Is like a river going through.

Take my heart, take my eyes,
Cause I'll need them no more.
If never again they'll fall upon,
The one I so adore.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.

One drink to remember,
And another to forget.
How could I ever dream to find a love like this again?
One drink to remember, another to forget...

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Would you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.
One more drink and I'll move on.

You think of things impossible,
Then the sun refuse to shine.
I woke with you beside me,
Your cold hand lay in mine.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll go...

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
She broke my heart, my grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on,
One more drink and I'll move on.
One more drink my grace is gone.

funny the small things that I remember.. I was laying in bed, awake, but lazy. bryant was at the desk, typing something.. and as the line "I could never love again, so much as I love you", he gets up and comes over to me and sits down, smiles at me and affectionately ruffles my hair. he didn't even have to say anything, but it was one of the sweetest moments ever.. 

here's a thoughtful xangan. i don't even know her, i just really like her blogs. is that weird? i think i am weird. i like people watching.. i like browsing through people's pages and seeing how they're doing, what they're doing. or even just random people (attractive people). is THAT weird? i just like watching people, seeing how they live, what they do. i think it's infinitely interesting what people can do.. this xanga is pretty funny too, occasionally. 

this post, i found freaking HILARIOUS.

Why i rarely write Duke love letters

I email Duke:
"I love you<3." >

Duke replies: "i love you more than three."

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. oh my GOSH. 

on a more solemn note (yes! i spelled solemn right!)

i don't think i can get mad at someone (or just mad in general) without getting really, really sad after. and when i get sad, i think of other sad things, so i start tearing up. man, i'm a loser. i forgot why but my last sad moment, i started thinking of my 18th birthday. not to sulk and be a loser, but i think i do have the most inconvenient birthday. beth has summer, the two stace's have spring break, jade has winter break. mine's right when school starts, and the closest holidays are labor day and halloween, neither of which are all that great. i'm glad we had dinner, that was fun. i mean, it was an O-K birthday.. just.. yea. clubbing was fun but, no offense, it was with people who i didn't really know. not your guys' faults for not being able to go, couldn't help that. better that there were more people, that we could even GO. still. STILL. you know, that little thing at the back of my mind that won't let me be completely thankful. the day of my birthday.. i don't remember anyone in my family telling me happy birthday until dinner, after we said grace. went to go see bryn, she was at java joe's with judie and gigi.. and i've known this girl since kindergarten and she forgot that it was my birthday. i almost didn't want to bring it up but i was just thinking, oh maybe she forgot what day it was today.. and.. yea. i dunno. it just hurts a little inside that your bestest bud from forever forgot your birthday. she apologized and said she thought it was on the 10th. no big deal. she had to go home 'cause she had work or something, so i left.. called up paul and ended up hanging out with him and kien at denny's for the rest of the night. i normally don't care at all for birthdays, but it was my 18th. i figured it would magically be better, that something would happen. is that what i get for not planning something? i don't even know what i would do if i were to.. oh well. i guess what magically happened was me meeting bryant. who knows, maybe something will come out of this, hahha. 

funny story, i was looking through engagement pictures/wedding pictures because i was gonna go take pictures of kat/james (already posted those pictures).. and i turned to bryant and said "i wanna get engaged!! these pictures are so cuteee.." and i wasn't thinking AT ALL that it should be bryant and ME. just, engaged in general. and he said "jeez, that wasn't a hint at all.." and i just stopped in my tracks and my jaw dropped and i was just so.. like.. wow. hahahhaa. i didn't realize it sounded like that at ALL. d'OH -___-

i think it's the cheryl-jon kat-james getting to me. people who are SO sure they love each other and are going to wait for each other and end up with each other and spend the rest of their lives together and grow old together. SO sure and they're just in college! cheryl-jon was before that, obviously.. but.. man. MAN. finding that kind of romance. brings me back to the memory of when bryant and i had that rough patch and he was saying that he thought it was weird that i had put in the "happy one year!!" into his phone calendar.. that i was planning too far ahead or something. and how much that hurt. if things weren't going badly, why shouldn't i assume that? hurt, hurt, hurt.. 

ah, well. things are going well now. 10 months at the end of this month. he's down in costa mesa, assisting a wedding. well. right now he's at southcoast.. he doesn't have to be there until 3/3:30 so.. yup. he left at 9am -__- that guy is nuts. hahaha. oh well. some of his favorite stores down at that mall. i was gonna catch a ride with him down home for a day but.. yes. obviously i haven't. sort of regretting it but.. oh well. nice to bum around for a day. was considering dying my hair.. but.. maybe i'll get it done at the salon. getting our haircuts again tomorrow.. i don't want to change the length, just thin it out. trace pointed out an interesting dying thing.. HERE. scroll down to the bottom, called "bayalage". either that or i'll just dye my hair myself. my streaks were kind of cool. i figured i dyed my hair normal color because whenever we take pictures, my hair is always the lightest and i feel weird sometimes. but i do like it lighter. i can't decide. bryant refuses to decide. we watched a stand-up comedian who was talking about "set up questions" where there's no real clear answer like "how does my butt look" or something. so now whenever we get to questions like that, he refuses to answer me.. it's really sort of funny. 

ah.. and i found eye candy at brooks. his name's ian, he's a friend of bryant's.. so whenever i see him, i'm usually with bryant, and they always stop to talk. it's nice. i just get to look without being creepy :) i'm intently listening to whatever he's saying. hahaha!

he looks sort of weird here but you get the idea. i really like his style. plus he's in pretty good shape. he was wearing jeans, a wifebeater under a vneck white shirt and man. hot. hahahaha. i think i'm just attracted to people who look like that. nationality? i dunno how to say it. but our old pit instructor at band looked like him and i thought he was pretty hot too. ah, if only i knew what nationality that was. ethnicity? i dunno the difference. knew it once but then i guess i just didn't really care. :\ go figure. intense eyes, chiseled face, dark hair. hot hot hot. picture © sierra prescott. who is also a really cool chick. bryant's best female friend. 

the guy's best female friend. well. the boyfriend's. i was skeptical at first with bryant because of my experience of james+esha but.. yea. it's a different situation. plus.. since bryant has been cheated on, i doubt he would ever cheat. just because he knows the feeling. but still, when he goes out and shoots pictures of hot girls or hot asian girls in particular, i get a little buzzing at the back of my head.. and i have to give him crap. just as a reassurance to hear his answers. plus he does this fake freakoutwhyareyoudoingthistome thing and it makes me laugh and it's okay. yea, i'm pretty sure i'm weird. :\ 

and it's funny. i don't know if i'm particularly attracted to bryant's style. it's a very on and off thing. i'm sure people aren't attractive all the time. and lately, i've been very happy with bryant. i just sit there and i'm overcome with happiness. of just being there. and i smother him with kisses and he complains but i know he likes it. AT LEAST HE BETTER!! grr. hahah :P

blah blah. i'm getting tired. maybe i'll go back to sleep. 

ps- cinnamon toast crunch cereal gets soggy waaaayy too fast.. :(